dissolution

restless legs spite tired eyes.

3am and wide awake with thoughts

like crashing cars.

absence and regret collide inside

this acid stomach,

where all the words i swallowed

dissolve and turn to bile.

now forced past this bitter smile

every lie and love and decomposing line

is flushed away.

too early and too late to be awake.

too cold to be outside.

too old to be alive.

too young to be the bearer of bad tidings.

3.17am - i toss and turn and shake and hope

the nightmares are no worse when i'm asleep.

misread

you misread my words
and now there's nothing left to say.
try to speak my mind
but find that i'm too tongue tied.
thought we'd left the past behind
but it seems the future is the same -
it just has a different name.
yet i still see your eyes smile
as I close mine.
we never said
will never say
goodbye.

train home

pulled away into the night again
to head back into the past.
and this could be the last trip you ever make
if you would take the chance. you know i know you won't.
the city flickers like a candle in the windows,
orange winter streetlamp glow
until the bridges bend you into places you don't know.
a voice in your ears put thoughts in your head.
it feels like you haven't slept for years
and that christmas was last week, not next.
nobody to talk to but you don't want to listen anyway.
close your eyes and dream of new year's day.